SINK OR SWIM: HELPING THOSE WE LOVE

You see your friend, or someone close to you, messing up. You try to tell them, sometimes repeatedly. But are they listening? And when is enough really enough?

It’s hard

One of the most difficult things in the world is watching someone you care about mess up. It could be family, a friend or a partner. The situation could also come from a huge list of possible scenarios: dangerous habits,cheating, dating the worst type of person or staying in a destructive relationship... We would want someone to tell us if we were blind to any of the above, especially if it’s someone close to us. So we try to help them. We point out what exactly they’re doing wrong; how exactly it is they’re being lied to, how they’re being taken advantage of. This hardly ever goes down well, sometimes because of our execution as outsiders, and sometimes because the person we’re telling is in too deep. So where do you go from there?

Tact

You have to approach any situation where you’re telling someone that they may be wrong very delicately. After all, no one wants to learn that they are wrong – especially when it relates to something they are deeply invested in.

Empathy is very important: What if it was you in that situation? How would you take it? Before you approach someone about something this sensitive, you have to know them pretty well. This not only means that there will be an element of trust, but that you will also know this person well enough to have a plan of how to go about it. Consider the information you have before you pass it on: Do you trust the source of the information? Is there someone else who can verify? If the ayes outweigh the nays, it’s a sign that this is something you should share. Know when to fold in the end, if you tried your best and nothing changed, then you have to remove yourself from the situation.

Take a break from your friend or loved one and let the negative emotions cool down, especially if there was an argument or your integrity was called into question. Nothing is worth losing your peace of mind over, not even the people we care about most. After all, you also have to look out for yourself.

Sometimes we can present an irrefutable body of proof and the subject receives it well. Then, as a friend and a loved one, you have done your duty. However, chances are that no matter how well you present your case, the other person won’t listen.

As human beings, we’re stubborn to a fault sometimes. Then, the only thing you can do is wait. If you were wrong, then apologize when you get the opportunity. If it turns out you were right, that’s when your friend or loved one will need you the most. There will most likely be many pieces to put back together, and your strength and comfort will be invaluable.


What's your take on this? Do you have other tips you would like to contribute to this? Pls, let me hear from you via comments.